Whod you bang
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
