the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and she was petting her beer can
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
