I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
