Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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