he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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