Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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