like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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