I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
