Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
