I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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