Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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