I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
