Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
