phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
