well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
