If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I could fuck to npr.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
