They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Couch. On fire.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
