i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
