I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
