Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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