dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
