oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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