I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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