me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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