I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
