Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
