she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
