My Higher Power is John Stamos
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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