I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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