So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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