fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
