Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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