Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
