some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
