well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE