Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job