i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights