p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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