He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.