you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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