you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
