yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
