I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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