I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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