everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
