every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
