12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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