So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
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I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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