i don't like sucking hair
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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