Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
