I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
