I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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