Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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