dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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