so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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