So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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