i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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