i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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