how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
