I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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