I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she peed on how many people?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize