So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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